I have been through many crazy things in my life. I have learned a lot, grown a lot and even failed some. Right now, I have this tornado whirling around inside me. I have tried to make sense of it all for many years, searched for a solution or a way to control my emotions. I've turned to the internet, books and yes I have prayed about it. I will admit that I have looked to the internet and books more often than I have prayed about it.
So I can say Im blessed even during my storm because God hasn't let me fall or given up on me. I can tell he's waiting on me to do something. I can feel a cover of protection over me. It's like when you teach a baby to walk or teach your child to ride a bike or skate. You know they're going to fall and you even let them to an extent but you won't let them get hurt.
That's waht God does for us, that is, if we do our part. He provides His love, help and protection but it's up to you to seek Him and get it.

For a while, because of the songs I listen to sometimes, the articles and books I read, I felt that I lacked confidence in myself,no self esteem, I was too dependent on others, didn't want to be alone, and didn't know what I wanted or kow what my goals were. That is, until now. I tried to map out my goals on paper but I never could figure out how. It never made sense to me. Well, guess waht...Who cares!

I can tell you this..
I know what I want in life. I want a whole lotta things. I want to be a certified personal trainer and nutritionist. I wnat to help others make the weightloss struggle a little easier. I want to be there for someone who may feel alone or lonely. I want to help someone that doesn't catch on or just doesn't get it right now. I want to be a coach to jr. high or high school teams. Do I know which sport? Nope! I'm sure GOd will put me where He feels I', needed most. I'm going to be an online teacher. That way I can do whatever else I want to do or don't want to do during the day.
I will have my own gym built one day. There will be more activities and programs for kids to get involved in. I will have my own house built and will have a car in the garage that I paid cash for.
I am working on starting a book club for the kids in the community I live in, by January. Last but not least, I want my own bookstore, with a books written by me on a display table, hoping I can get more copies in because they are flying off the shelves!

I know what I want in my life, without a shadow of doubt. I also know it will take a lot of hard work, discipline and prayer. I can't do it by myself.
I also know that I dont need a man to make me feel confident or complete but I do want my life partner to share my good and bad days with me. I feel that is the missing ingredient in my life. I know that God hasn't forgotten about me and he will show up in due time.
Maybe I will do everything I listed and more. Maybe I'll only accomplish one or 2 things. Maybe I'll accomplish something that I never thought I would be going. Whatever it is, I know I will succeed in it.

I was fighting back tears when I started writing this and have been for the last few days. I was feeling like I didn't love myself enough or wasn't confident enough or didn't have enough faith. What I know now is, If I didn't have confidence, love or faith, you know good and well I would not be here right now. I also felt like God wasn't by my side and thought he had forgotten about me. Maybe He just alloed me to feel this way for a moment so I can get this out. Maybe this message right here is for you. Maybe this is the message you needed to recieve to help you get to the next level in your life. Maybe this isn't about me. It's about you. He's there with you this very moment. Stop beating yourself up. Be unique, be different. If your a blogger, blog you. Speak from your heart. Stop spending hours and energy reading people's books and blogs about how to make yours better or how to make six figures or become a millionaire through your blog. You don't have to change the way you write or what you say.
Let what worked for them, work for them. Write from your heart, your mind, your experience. Your blessings will follow. Be you!